Perch "The Thoughtful Pause Podcast"
The concept of Perch is simple yet profound. It represents more than just a moment of stillness; it embodies a philosophy of life. Perch stands for Pause, Evaluate, Responses to Circumvent, Harm. It’s a call to rise above the noise and seek higher ground to gain a clearer view of the world around us. When we Perch, we create space to see the bigger picture, understand different perspectives, and make decisions that reflect our highest values.
Navigating complexities with empathy is one of the most significant challenges we face today, and it is the ability to understand and empathize with those who hold different views. Our experiences and backgrounds deeply influence our beliefs and the environments we are exposed to. Where you sit determines what you see, and what you see determines what you do. When we Perch, we acknowledge this truth and strive to see the world through the lens of others.
Perch "The Thoughtful Pause Podcast"
WHY STAY!!! Part 1 The Courage to Seek Change
Why are people bidding farewell to familiarity - be it their corporate jobs, homes, or even their relationships? What is causing this urgency to seek change? Explore with us the complex dynamics of these choices, the hidden motivations, and the courage it takes to step out of your comfort zone. We examine the phenomenon of 'the big resignation' post-pandemic and attempt to answer the question - 'why stay?'
We delve deep into a discussion about the changing dynamics of work, loyalty, and the transformed social landscape of our offices. We ponder the paradox of the 'devil you know' and the daunting yet liberating experience of daring to seek something new. Furthermore, we touch upon how technology has revolutionized how we seek and find opportunities.
In an intriguing analogy to Spanx, we reflect on the importance of authenticity and self-awareness and how altering oneself to fit into societal norms can lead to a loss of self. Do we sometimes suffer a form of Stockholm Syndrome in our workplaces, painting a rosy picture of grim circumstances? Driven by the wisdom of Dr. Maya Angelou, we urge you to muster up the courage to do what needs to be done before you're forced to. Listen in as we navigate these questions and remind you that sometimes it's okay not to take the leap; after all, every change needs to be well thought out and well-timed.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-keys-my-castle/201204/why-we-stay-stuck-in-unfulfilling-relationships-and-jobs
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-keys-my-castle/201204/why-we-stay-stuck-in-unfulfilling-relationships-and-jobs
https://www.caprelo.com/insights-resources/industry-trends/the-great-resignation-an-analysis-of-job-tenure-over-the-years/
Let's all keep searching to expand our view!
Good day Perch people so excited. Like I said, like, just like your children, you can't pick a favorite.
Speaker 2:Well, you should.
Speaker 1:Well, Dion Sanders picks his children. He has favorites, that's his business Power to him, but I'm really excited. So what we decided to do? I know it's scary to think that this year is almost over, but 2023 will soon be like dust and a wind. And so we want to devote. We actually came up with a series to end the year out, the Y series, and today our topic is Y stay. Take it for what it's worth. Tongue in cheek, whatever that means. What do you mean, Trisha? Why stay? Well, stay with us, yeah.
Speaker 2:I was saying, why stay until the end of the podcast?
Speaker 1:Right. So before we get started, just want to do a few housekeeping notes. First of all, we want to say thank you. We thank you. This little train keeps on chugging. Week by week we get better. We have an awesome team studio we partner with. We have great partner, great people, great topics, some fabulous guests. That's coming. I'm so excited. So 2024 is going to be amazing. I'm going to claim it, put it in the universe. It's going to be good. But until then, we want to keep this train moving and so we're going to ask you we appreciate your support, but also show us some love by subscribing. If you like what we're saying and you believe in Perch, in the motto, please tell a friend, subscribe, subscribe and listen, listen so and go to you Perch while you Perchcom, and we're open for feedback and conversation and topics. So we even have a page. You know we come out and we purchase what other podcasts says you purchase, we purchase you. So there's some food for thought.
Speaker 1:Before we get into the Y series, I want to kind of give a lob and set up the next series. I'm not going to give you the why we will discuss in the next series, but I just we have a phenomenal speaker. I'm so excited. Try not to be emotional with this one. It's a 180 moment. Well, so it's not a 360, is 180 halfway, not a full circle moment, but close enough. I remember seeing her. Her name is Genevieve Peturo. You can look her up. I don't want to give too much because I want you to tune in and listen, but she said something. She was on Oprah years ago and it connected, never left my side and when I literally went almost I don't want to say stalking, because you shouldn't stalk, that's stalking is bad.
Speaker 1:It's talking is bad, don't stalk. But I was like, listen to me, I need you on my show and thank God, the universe, everyone, she will be here. So the next series, listen to this one through, but follow us on the next one. So now we get to today's topic. Why stay? I love it, it was funny. So I'm going to tell you, tell me and I this was the first topic we actually I'm not gonna say debate- over you agreed, Are you know?
Speaker 2:we didn't agree. Thank goodness no. I was gonna say it would be quick if we agreed.
Speaker 1:No, we did not agree, but we wouldn't be on that agreement, one back and forth. He didn't like my title, I didn't like his title, so once I said it, keyword I. Once I said it, he was like that's it.
Speaker 2:Something like that. I remember differently, but that's okay, we'll go with your version of the truth.
Speaker 1:It's so why stay? That's a very Powerful question and that could be taken in many different directions and true purge fashion. I have no idea where this man is coming from.
Speaker 2:I don't know his angle.
Speaker 1:Only thing we know the topic was why stay? I have my viewpoint and he'll have is the whole purpose is for us to just expand a conversation and look at things in different light. Before I get that last thing, I do.
Speaker 2:I know, I know I said a lot.
Speaker 1:This the last thing. I didn't get a couple of comments.
Speaker 2:If you want to right now, sorry.
Speaker 1:I didn't get a couple of comments from people and I think it's funny and I have to bring this up a perch, because they were like well, you know what I notice? I listen to perch and I tend to, you know, agree with with Toby. So can I just say that's great, but the purpose of perch it's not still really to me. Stop it.
Speaker 2:Keep those cards and letters coming.
Speaker 1:Stop it. It's the whole. First purpose of perch is to say we don't have to agree. It's not about it being agreeable, it's about your perspective and being able to listen and hear other people perspective and views. And, sam, we, we just need to hear each other and listen to each other and Get rid of this myth that we have to agree on everything because we want and it's okay. So I'm done. Now to the top of gay.
Speaker 1:Hey, why stay this comment? This has been in a universe. I see it around me. I it came up to right after the pandemic. They called it.
Speaker 1:You know the great resignation when people were leaving. For those of you that know me and know my story, I recently went through some changes. You know, stick around next episode to see if I get any deeper. Will she, won't? She? I don't know. But as far as why, I say now With the great resignation, has been a lot of question why?
Speaker 1:Why the change? What happened? What happened where Americans decided I don't need a big home anymore, let's downsize. You know tiny homes where I think you know I don't need. You know these big corporate jobs. I want to make my own the gig economy, all these wise marriages, divorces in an all-time high. People are changing. Why stay? Why stay one step?
Speaker 1:So for me, I want, and I really want to repeat this because this was a huge statement, full disclosure. This is this is from Simon Sinek and for those of you who aren't aware of Simon Sinek, he Did a great author, but the book series that I just finished was and I'm taking a training class and it's to that leaders eat last. For those of you, have them read it. I he's not a sponsor, would mind it, but he's not. I really just think that you know it's a powerful information there. It's it's more corporate facing, but I'm a strong believer that anything that happens in corporate has a lot to do our personal relationship. He posed the question. Several good questions, but this one, I think, really got to me. It says the price that we pay for the perception of stability comes at our own cost, on its own cost. I'm gonna say that again, the price that we pay for the perception of stability Comes at a cost.
Speaker 2:I think the strong word there is perception. Right, you know, we believe, we believe we're safe, you know, in all types of all forms of life, where that's professional or personal or whatever, and we tend to gravitate towards that and I know later on I'll I'll talk about some of the stuff that I brought up, but that whole perception of safety is a very strong Draw right. I mean it makes people Avoid doing oftentimes what they know is probably the right thing to do.
Speaker 1:So for me, since you open a door, I was gonna go in a different direction, but I'm gonna stay right here with you. And that because, for me, when I heard perception, it has to be personal when you hear things like that and it really kind of hit you in the gut Like why is? Why did this hit me so hard? Because the re, because there's, because in perception there's a dose of reality. So and and that's a heavier conversation because the reality is the reason why I'm not going to be there, the reason why we perceive things a certain way. Sometimes it's a need for it to be that way, it's a desire for that to be that way. So let's keep it simple. So let's talk about Jobs. It's commonplace and Everyone, if we have an experiences, we typically know someone who has stayed and complained the whole time, just unhappy. Get up and go to work every day, you know, scruff at people, just unhappy. And then you want to say and we perhaps it, if it's that bad, leave. And then what do you get?
Speaker 2:well, you know it's no better out there, or you know who's gonna pay me to do nothing.
Speaker 1:I don't know those people.
Speaker 2:I'm sure I know they exist but I don't know someone that has to come home, but I mean, on the same token, I mean I remember when I was, when I was growing up, you know our, my dad, spent his whole career with one company, with one company. And I remember I came out of school I went to go work for a hotel and within a year of working for the hotel, I remember calling him as a dad I'm gonna change, I'm gonna go work for another hotel. Oh my god, you're a job hopper. You're a job hopper, and I thought you know it's a different generation. I mean, you know some of the stats we'll talk about later.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he spent his entire career and I mean within three years I was on my third hotel and you know we all kind of Look at that as a form of advancement, right, and but some people will settle into one job. They just get comfortable and that, that's the place for them and and you know, other things take, you know Arnaz are, you know, take precedence, so they just stay in the same job and they just kind of go through the grind.
Speaker 1:So Because typically we say the devil we know is better than a devil? We don't know.
Speaker 2:Yep.
Speaker 1:Um and and it's. It's sad we look at it that way. And then I thought about this too. Another One of my sheroes, renee Brown and brave and a wilderness one, and she said you can pick a thousand quotes from that. But one thing that stayed with me when she says, don't walk the world looking for evidence that you don't belong, because you'll always find it, and so that's a lot of reason why we stay, you know it's like well, at least I know where I fit. Well, at least I know where I belong, I know my place, or I know what I'm doing, or I haven't understanding of this.
Speaker 1:You know as if you can't fit somewhere else or you don't belong. But when you the the greater message in a statement, once you belong to you and have a sense of who you are and where you are, you belong. Everywhere you go, you fit, and the reality is the place that you are presently staying being in a job or a marriage and we'll get to that a relationship. You started from zero there, you had to learn there, and then, especially for us more seasoned people, it's like well, I'm too old to learn something new To start over again.
Speaker 1:And at this point in my life it's too late for me. It's too late for me and I really want us to make sure we get through the year with the self-checking. And I was blessed not too long ago, a couple of months ago, to meet a lady who had a change. She didn't lose a job, she just had someone encourage her to try. And they was like well, put yourself out, there had been on the same company 40 years, 40. And so. And then in her mind she said, well, we couldn't hurt and just throw it out there, expecting like at least I could say I tried, and then she got the job.
Speaker 1:And then she was like oh my god, this is scary, I have to learn. And I was like but you're growing.
Speaker 2:But the other thing is the mindset of what a company is has changed so much over the years. I mean, I go back to my father and he worked for the same company his whole life and he had a country club and the benefits were amazing and it was almost like the company was an extension, was a person, and everybody talked about oh, we've got to be good because the company is good to us. That dynamic that has changed quite a bit now and people still try to buy into that narrative and it's just. It's not true. A company is not a person. It's a very insensitive, unfeeling, unemotional creation.
Speaker 2:And so I think people have started to realize and wake up to the fact that the company, short of a paycheck, doesn't owe you anything. Right, I mean, it's not like a friend that you say I have an expectation that you're going to be compassionate towards me or show sympathy, or if I get pregnant you'll take care of me, or if I'm sick you'll allow me to take time off. It's not that. And so, as time has evolved and businesses have evolved and I think COVID accelerated that One of the reasons we used to love to go to work was the water, cooler conversations. All my friends are there. It got to the point where work was becoming so engrossing for people that their friends and their colleagues were the same people right.
Speaker 2:So now, all of a sudden, I don't want to leave because these are my friends, so it became even more of a draw. So did COVID kind of break that bind, that association? Because fewer people now go to work, fewer people go into an office, fewer people have that social linkage with their friends being the people they work with. So that's an important question and maybe it's easier now for you to. Well, first of all, it's certainly easier to go on LinkedIn now from home than it was when you were sitting in an office full of people. I mean those things.
Speaker 2:It's certainly easier to also let your mind wander right when you were in an office and you're all working together and there's a dynamic there. We're all working together. That was one thing. But if you get off a Zoom call now or a Teams call, you don't think it went really well. You'd be like, uh, my boss may not have liked what I just said. I better go on LinkedIn and see what jobs are open, you know, and you could start literally job hunting while at work if you will, and there's certainly a dynamic that has changed in there and then that you're not as connected to your company as you used to be.
Speaker 1:And so that's true, and part of that too. What the research and data shows us is that our value system kind of changed. So let's take your example. You gave with your dad so that your dad's generation of value system was loyalty.
Speaker 1:You know, I am loyal to a company, and especially back then there was company loyalty and a company was loyal to me and now, like that, you said companies are no longer people and you're not working for Mr Johnny or Mr, you're working for shareholders and stockholders. And then then it's not personal and I think that worth level. So it changed the conversation because, specifically in corporate America, so now when you look at the research and HRs and it was like, well, people, this is what they value, and they say typically, depending on the, the pay scale, people don't leave jobs, they leave leaders. So because then it becomes a worthiness issue within that organization. So that's why. So then in turn, how corporations align with that, they say, okay, well, let's offer childcare or let's offer these things. And so they start throwing different benefits. Now, let's stay there benefits and we're going to come back to that. So these benefits and the company think the more benefits I give you, the more attractive you are to me.
Speaker 1:And when you look at it and sign it, senate in his research and data says no really at the end of the day people value the benefit of you seeing me more than anything, and the data shows when corporations truly see their, their employees and they and they service their needs accordingly. It builds solid companies and founded.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Sorry, Go ahead. Finish with that, it's it's. It's unique because everybody is seen in a different light. You know, I remember when I first entered into management and my first thought was everybody just wants more money, Everybody just wants to be paid more. That's got to be it. And as you start to study people and you see them, you see that people are very different in terms of what motivates them, Right? Some people are motivated purely by recognition hey, Trisha did a really nice job on that project and you know that's good enough. Other people are motivated by time off. Other people are motivated by flexible hours. Other people are motivated by money. Some people are motivated by benefits you know, whether it's a paternity leave or maternity leave or whatever it is. So you can't just say it's all about money. I mean the number of people over the years that I've managed, who I can go back and say they didn't stay for. The money is is significant.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and, and another statement and this came from Brannette Brown and the brave and the wilderness again and if I negotiate my worth to appease you, I may fit in with you, but I no longer belong to me. So I think that's a powerful statement as well. If I negotiate my word to appease you, I the possibility that I could fit in but I don't belong to me. So then I is it. Is it worth it? And I think that's not just applicable to you know, companies and business. That's in relationships, you know, that's in every aspect. If I keep changing who I am and to to fit in with you or to be liked by you, or to be cared for you or to be loved by you, then where do I belong? And if I can't belong to me, if I can't, you know, have loved me and trust me and show up in the way and you see my value and you see my worth and it's amazing in a series. I really hope that everyone gets the duality between in the wise from our personal and professional. They're interchangeable.
Speaker 2:You really literally could be talking about Well all I can think about when you're saying that is the number of people when you first start to either meet people or date or get into relationships who will, will chameleon right and they'll turn into what you, what they think you want, and that's a hard act to follow.
Speaker 2:I mean, at some point the mask is going to come off, they're going to see behind the curtain, and so you learn over time that you can't A make somebody love you or, b make yourself into somebody that that person will love, because at some point in time that's going to, that's going to fail you, and so you have to recognize that like a job. I mean if, if you feel like I'll grow into this, I'll get used to these hours I know my boss is a bit unbearing, but I'm sure I'll get used to it At some point you've got to be, you've got to do some self-awareness and say this is just not working. And one of the things I mean again, having been a manager for years there are situations where the person is a perfectly good person. They're just not well suited for that job. I mean they're. You know, you hear the special attendee, they're on the wrong seat on the bus and you if you're in the wrong seat.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they're in the wrong seat, they're not in the right position. You know they. They should be. They should be doing something different. You know they're. They're not a good fit for your organization or their skill sets don't fit what you really need, and a good manager will try to find the right seat for them on the bus. But sometimes we just say you don't fit here and we get rid of a perfectly good person and a good employee because we just say that they're not in the right seat.
Speaker 1:Now this is how my quirky, weird brain work. Hold on tight, don't ask me why this popped in my head, but when you're talking about don't fit, I think about women can relate to this. Some men don't front. You guys use support to take their forward. It's work, spanx, like if you don't know, let's think oh sorry.
Speaker 2:I say it's spanking, sorry, never mind.
Speaker 1:This is about, oh my God, the father Spanx. So if I squeeze into Spanx and if I give the side a pair, it's things are already tight and it's support and it's supposed to smooth you out and it gives you curves and definition. Go with me, I'm going somewhere. I know it sounds crazy. I'm going somewhere and I squeeze into it and I can put on even a creator of Spanx. That's how she sold them and it's a multi-billionaire. She came in with white pants on no Spanx and men didn't get it. She sold it to a luxury company owned by men and she left the room. But she put Spanx on it on white pants and they said got it sold. She walked away to contract. But how does it relate to what you're saying? If I put Spanx on, I can look great for a moment. I can put on a dress, look stunning, have these curves, but I got to take those Spanx off.
Speaker 1:Midnight comes and stuff start rolling out of all counterparts.
Speaker 2:Not with you, of course, but things analogy wise.
Speaker 1:You stepping in it, However.
Speaker 2:I'm sleeping upstairs tonight.
Speaker 1:Not, toby, when you know, when you take those Spanx off, they stuff start rolling out because it's been locked up like a sausage case. But what this is it goes back to and how I relate that to business too is because that's what corporations want. They want the perfect image, the perfect look with the perfect tone of voice, have the understanding, know the language, have all this. But what's inside? Can you see me? So that goes back to what I was saying. How do I belong to me and not lose myself? So you want to package me marriage, corporations, you want to parade me around relationships, company and you want me to be the spokesperson, arm candy or whatever you want to call it for you or your organization. But can you see me? Do you still love me when the Spanx come up? Because that's what you get.
Speaker 1:So with corporations, when you say you're on the wrong seat, I am being someone that's been a leader in space and higher. I don't necessarily think. A lot of times people are on the wrong seat. Sometimes Is that you can't see the true value in a person. You desire to hear me out, and then you can have that, because typically we are higher for position and sometimes, if you really see that person. That doesn't mean that that person doesn't add value. It goes back to say they should be on a bus but in another seat. How much of that is the?
Speaker 2:employees fault. If I interview you and I say I need you to do this, this and this and to use your analogy, you got your Spanx answer. In other words, you're really not being all that forthcoming. You're not giving me the real look, say of course you know, I graduated from Harvard ultra magna, some of the cum laude and and I can do this and that and the other, and so you're not presenting yourself.
Speaker 1:I am so sorry, my love, but men, men, statistically generalization, research I'm not the data queen. Facts to prove this that men Typically do that in a much higher rate. The women meaning, yes, they the research over exaggerate. They look at a job description and only need a fraction of that to say I can do that. Women typically have to do at least almost 95 percent. They have to be perfect before they even decide. I will.
Speaker 2:If there's a prepositional phrase in the 17th line that they don't believe they can do, a woman will not apply. On average, yes, a man will say I could do one of ten of these things. I could probably wear it but you bought.
Speaker 1:you pose the question how much of this which is born?
Speaker 2:on the employee and I think there's a fair amount.
Speaker 2:You know people, people can over exaggerate. And now the other problem, when we don't have to get into the hiring. But now it's gotten even worse because a lot of these employment sites just scan your resume for keywords. So now people are onto that and they find the keywords and they'll pretty much parrot the entire you know job description into their resume so they can get through. So it's it's kind of like this point counterpoint they create something to to catch it and then you figure out a way around it. So at some point, you know, the employee bears some bear, some blame for perhaps not being in the right seat on the bus.
Speaker 1:Gotcha and we're going to get back to the topic, which is, which is why.
Speaker 2:I guess you're here.
Speaker 1:I know I digress because we, you and I can do this, you know. But nevertheless, here's another one, another one of my, mount Rushmore. Did you just look at your clock?
Speaker 2:I got to wrap it up. No, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 1:Okay, my beloved Adam Grant. He says most people prefer the comfort of their conviction over the discomfort of their doubt. Let me say that again Most people prefer the comfort of their conviction over the discomfort of their doubt. Preach, adam, preach, and that I believe, if there's ever a way to do a survey, a global study, even just us why people say I think that's the core of it is that that I know what I know and I don't know what I don't know. So I'm afraid to try because I don't know what I'm going to.
Speaker 1:So you literally the courage of your conviction over the comfort of your doubt. But then we have all bear witness to this statement about our last days and people, and I said it on a previous podcast. I said, when it's all said and done, I want to leave it empty and I'm working on leaving it empty. I am going to keep trying and going and testing boundaries and do it because I think it is my Responsibility to humanity as a planet, to whatever that the Creator has given me. Give that and add to it and give that as well.
Speaker 2:So that leaving empty is a bad strategy when you go to casinos, but Um.
Speaker 1:I don't go to casinos.
Speaker 2:Good call, so um along those lines. Are you familiar with the term Stockholm syndrome?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So what you described to me, the first thing that came to my mind was Stockholm syndrome, where it's fascinating that people and, for those of you don't know, in our listening audience um, stockholm syndrome is a situation where people are actually treated in a very poor manner. In fact, it was born, to best of my knowledge, uh, from kidnapping victims. And the kidnapping victim would be recovered, you know, would be, uh, saved, rescued, and then they'd be sitting with the police and they'd be like, oh, he really wasn't such a bad person. I mean, he did give me a glass of water every three days and and the handcuffs really weren't that tight, and you know, the news around my neck was enough for me to breathe and and you're, and, as a normal person, you say, oh my God, that's horrible. How could you endure that kind of treatment?
Speaker 2:But we have this situation where, as human beings, were like it's really not that awful, we almost paint it with a, with a rosy picture, despite what could be perceived as a horrific circumstance. That's all I could think about when I was reading, when you were reading, your Adam Grant quote, because it's like we do look at circumstances in our jobs and people have some, you know, and we'll talk about it later on just some unreliable or unreasonable requests that our employers will make of us, or our colleagues will make of us, or the way that they behave, or or the way that certain people treat other people. And then, you know you, you react and they go well, still better than that, you know, the handcuffs aren't that tight. You know, it's amazing.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, and before we wrap this up, I'm bringing it to you and cause we can talk about this and we do have a lot and there will be a a part two to this, cause Toby hasn't really been able to deep dive some of his points. What's important for me in saying all this? This is a really I know even though we're laughing at joking and it is a serious topic, but it's one that that it's my hope and my prayer that people just really be more reflective and and and say why you? And just an evaluation. No one is encouraging anyone to to do anything, but the encouragement is to question where am I and why am I here?
Speaker 2:It's a quality of life thing Isn't it? It is.
Speaker 1:I literally have so much data and research and I really I don't know if I just should post it on a website, cause I don't want to go into in depth, cause I don't want to roast the subject and not really deep dive into it, but it's some really staggering statistics about your quality of life and when you stay in environments that's unhealthy to you. So that's one thing. But on another powerful note, another great, brilliant person, dr Maya Angelo, said courage is doing what you need to know, what you need to know. Current courage is doing what you know needs to be done before you're forced to do it. So that says it all. I don't think anyone needs any explanation about what that means and that's what. And then the study showed too, typically, even when people are in bad marriages or bad jobs, they don't leave. And when people the research says that people who have been in bad jobs or that went on to other places, typically wasn't on the court. So again that goes to Maya. Statement about the courage.
Speaker 2:There's all kinds of reasons, right? I mean, we talked about this the other day. Everybody's always great at giving you advice. You're really good at this. Why don't you go do that? You're really great at this. Why do you work for this company? You should go build your own company. And they believe that their motivations are pure and they're sincere, but they're not taking into account, you know, personalize that for a second. Would you go out with three kids in college and a, you know, a $4,000 car payment or a house payment Boy? That's a hell of a car.
Speaker 2:And a $1,000 car payment. Would you go out there and make that leap? Do you trust yourself that much to do it, or are you comfortable here? And I believe a part of it is timing. We talked about this the other day. Some of it is okay. Now the time in my life has come where I can do this, or now I have my kids out of college and they're off doing their own thing. So I think sometimes that people with the purest intentions will tell you how to run your life and you know it's like hey why don't you turn the mirror?
Speaker 2:How would you think about the same things? Because it is safe and warm in some of these situations at Stockholm Syndrome again, where it's like you, you have to put up with it. But you know, I and I've I've told this story to tree a thousand times the most profound thing a manager ever said to me was my first job in a hotel and he was a mentor to me. Just the way he managed crisis and conflict and people and it was just this three words. It was don't bitch quit. And you say, well, that's. You know, that's as profound as Coke, is it?
Speaker 2:But you know, the idea is don't bitch quit says fix it or live with it. You know that's it. There's really nothing else to it. Because if you become the poison in the well, eventually they'll get rid of you and they'll make that decision for you. And if and if you don't believe that you can live with it, you should go find a place that you're happier, because you're right, we, we, you know we've only got so so many you know hours in our life and at some point that's going to become so physically debilitating If you hate your job. There's all kinds of statistics, as you said about how it can lead to mental illness, it can lead to physical illness. It's just not worth it.
Speaker 1:And I do want to share this personal thing, because Toby and I had this conversation. I think it was last night. I wasn't sure, I'm not sure I'm in the exact night and I said I, I don't. This is not. This is a perch moment. That's all we're seeing to sit with this information. I've never encouraged anyone to leave their job, leave their marriage. It's not my place, not my business, not my monkey, not my circus. However, one thing I can say is I've been very blessed and fortunate to have a great team of friends and family and circle of love around me, but what I've gotten consistently is Trisha, you're just so bold and you're so courageous and you make steps that people don't make and won't won't make.
Speaker 1:And I wish I had the courage. I have and I've created, wanted to create this series because I have heard I wish I had the courage and these last 60 days, maybe then I ever have. I wish I had the courage. I wish I had the courage, and here's my reality I don't. I don't have the luxury. And so let me back up.
Speaker 1:I I know what it feels like to be a single mom and live in paycheck to paycheck. I know what it feels like to wonder like, literally, my kids and I were almost homeless, living in a car, not knowing where we're going next. I know it, but I did it anyway, you know. And I've started business and business. I've had at least four businesses and never had a loan. Never had a loan.
Speaker 1:I'm not rich. My mom was on welfare. We came from struggle, but sometimes I start but like, who am I? And it goes back to what Renee Brown said I belong to me and if I belong to me, I get to say my work, I get to and companies get to say you're not worth it and it's all fair, but I get to say my worth and I keep going until I I find my place and I find my value, and sometimes it's an aloneness and sometimes it's start over, but at the end of the day, when I was to say, pull dirt around, pull the dirty, and that's a horrible expression when I pull the dirt around it.
Speaker 1:It is well with my soul because one thing I know I had the courage to try. So thank you, Perch people, Until we meet again. Next episode will be part two and, Mr Toby, we're in the south now.
Speaker 2:So everyone in the south?
Speaker 1:is you dressed by your first name, mr, mr Toby and Mr Trisha? Now we'll see you again. Take care and be blessed. Talk to you soon. Bye.
