Perch "The Thoughtful Pause Podcast"
The concept of Perch is simple yet profound. It represents more than just a moment of stillness; it embodies a philosophy of life. Perch stands for Pause, Evaluate, Responses to Circumvent, Harm. It’s a call to rise above the noise and seek higher ground to gain a clearer view of the world around us. When we Perch, we create space to see the bigger picture, understand different perspectives, and make decisions that reflect our highest values.
Navigating complexities with empathy is one of the most significant challenges we face today, and it is the ability to understand and empathize with those who hold different views. Our experiences and backgrounds deeply influence our beliefs and the environments we are exposed to. Where you sit determines what you see, and what you see determines what you do. When we Perch, we acknowledge this truth and strive to see the world through the lens of others.
Perch "The Thoughtful Pause Podcast"
WHY STAY!!! Part 2-Finding Fulfillment: Career Longevity and Personal Relationships
What makes people stay in a job or relationship longer than they should? Hold on to your headphones as we journey through this intriguing conversation that traverses the worlds of employment and personal relationships. We venture into the findings of a recent Zippia Research report revealing the average length of tenure in different job sectors in the US. It's an eye-opener as we spotlight the challenges in the hospitality and leisure industry, where dealing with people seems to equate to a shorter job tenure.
How does job-hopping and personal fulfillment fit into today's corporate world? As we navigate this conversation, we note that the younger workforce gravitates more toward personal development and job satisfaction. The pandemic has further amplified this shift. We also dare to venture into the tricky terrain of unhealthy relationships. Why do people stay in them, and what role does self-esteem and economic independence play? We crack open some tough questions and try to make sense of the complexities involved.
But we don't stop there. We also chew over managing workplace stress and maintaining a quality work environment, drawing insights from Marisa Sanfilippo's article and the advice of workplace expert Alison Green. From personal anecdotes to real-world examples, we've got it all covered. To wrap it all up, we tap into the power of vision boards and the role of clear goal-setting in our lives. You'll find yourself introduced to Ubuntu , an African philosophy emphasizing our human interdependence. So buckle up and join us for this roller-coaster of insights, data, and life lessons. It's an episode you won't want to miss.
https://www.zippia.com/advice/are-americans-overworked/
https://www.zippia.com/advice/average-employee-tenure/
https://www.askamanager.org/
https://www.businessnewsdaily.com/8486-effects-workplace-stress.html
#marisasanfilippo,#alisongreen
Let's all keep searching to expand our view!
Good day. First people, welcome back. It was really an enlightening, insightful conversation. Again, this is part of our YA series. We're still on the subject YA, I am going to make this public service announcement and then I will turn it over to my love. So I just again want to say thank you again. Please take the time, share, like, subscribe and remind you after this episode. The next following episode was part of our YA series. Genevieve Peturo will be our guest. She's world renowned. She's an inspirational speaker, author, consultant and founder of the pajama pride program. Don't want to give you too much information because I want you to listen to her, be wild about her and then follow her and subscribe to whatever she's doing. She does a lot of corporate leading, she's speaking and she's been seen on Oprah show, cbs morning all of the big affiliates. So again excited about the next series in the YA series.
Speaker 2:But until then for somebody who doesn't like trailers boy, you just threw a trailer out there. You won't watch trailers. So, she goes into a movie not knowing a clue about what it's about.
Speaker 1:Because then I'll spend the entire movie waiting on that one.
Speaker 2:You know the number of times you make trailers and then that piece is not even a movie. I don't care, but the fact that I do everything to be surprised.
Speaker 1:And then you look at me like well, that was in the trailer.
Speaker 2:See, I didn't know that. I'm surprised. So you know something else. Shree hates trailers.
Speaker 1:I don't hate, that's such a strong word I don't care for them. There we go, we'll go with that, thank you. So why stay?
Speaker 2:Well, greetings, fellow purchasors.
Speaker 1:Purchase. You give them new names every time, every time, yeah, so anyway, why stay?
Speaker 2:So the last episode. We talked an awful lot about. You know some of the more common and awful lot, an awful lot.
Speaker 1:Okay, let me shut up.
Speaker 2:I'm sorry, some of the most profound people on trees, Mount Rushmore, in terms of some of the expressions and I wanted to bring a bit of data to this information because I started to look at this and said you know why stay is interesting? For, as you said before, a number of things. You know why stay in a relationship, why stay in a job, why stay in the mood you're in, why stay in a number of things.
Speaker 1:Why stay in a town? Why stay anywhere?
Speaker 2:Yeah, why put two horses in this one horse town? So the first thing I started with was I started to do some statistics and say are people actually leaving jobs or relationships at a higher level, or is this maybe a fabrication? Is there data to support it? So the first thing I found was something fault from a company called Zipia Research, and first of all I thought that was kind of an interesting name, zipia Research. My favorite part of it is the title is called how Long Is the Average US Employee Tenure in 2023.
Speaker 1:Okay, oh, that's good In 2023. The fascinating Let me guess, let me, can I get?
Speaker 2:we will let you get there. But before we get to that, the most fascinating thing is, the article claims to been written October 18th of 2022.
Speaker 1:So how do they know? Okay, whatever.
Speaker 2:I'm lost already. So credibility I mean. So this guy's either clairvoyant or psycho, or maybe both.
Speaker 1:A psycho clairvoyant? Yeah, it's you know.
Speaker 2:Anyway, I have to assume that either one of them is wrong, but let's go with it for a second. So we'll start with. Here's your first 50 point bonus question those between the ages of 16 and 19,. Their average tenure in their job is how long? 16 and 19. 16 and 19.
Speaker 1:So why are we even listening to it? Because that's the new workforce right 16 and 19.
Speaker 2:So don't go to college. That's coming out of high school, or it's actually high school.
Speaker 1:So how long?
Speaker 2:do you think they spend in a job? Two seconds About. It's about.7 years. Okay, and how about somebody who's over 55? How many years do they spend in their job.
Speaker 1:That's tricky Mm-hmm. So when you say that, what's the data?
Speaker 2:See my brain goes to Over 55. Just over the age of 55.
Speaker 1:And the reason Generally speaking- I asked the question one more time.
Speaker 2:Those over the age of 55 spend an average of how many years in their job.
Speaker 1:That's an unfair question. I don't like the question. 9.8 years. I don't like the question 9.8 years.
Speaker 2:You don't have to. It's here.
Speaker 1:Because the studies-.
Speaker 2:Okay, I'm leaving, so those in management occupations have the highest average tenure and those in wait for it food preparation and survey our world. 1.6 years, 1.6. And you wonder why the restaurant industry is always struggling.
Speaker 1:And they can always put lettuce on when I say no lettuce. That's why do you not hear me All I ask for no lettuce, struggling.
Speaker 2:Struggling, you know. And the other interesting thing is employees in the manufacturing industry have the highest average years of tenure 5.2 years while employees in the leisure and hospitality the lowest 2.0. What's interesting about this is both jobs are very physically demanding, but the biggest difference is in hospitality and leisure you have to deal with People, bingo.
Speaker 1:Bingo, bingo.
Speaker 2:Bingo Bullseer catnip, so exactly.
Speaker 1:Bullseer, catnip. No, carry on, okay, all right, we'll do it.
Speaker 2:So it's interesting that people jobs are challenging. Dealing with people is challenging.
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 2:Yeah, go figure. So I thought that was interesting. So that's the average tenure stuff. The National Bureau of Labor Statistics what's that Show that? I go throw the piece back, anyway. Bureau of Labor Statistics. A median employee tenure was generally higher among older workers.
Speaker 1:That was a point. Literally that's what I was saying about the 55. I know I knew that.
Speaker 2:The median tenure of workers age 55 to 64, 9.8 years. We talked about that. 25 to 34, 2.8 years. 2.8 years, so people-. So when you say why stay, many of them are saying we ain't.
Speaker 1:Do we know we?
Speaker 2:ain't.
Speaker 1:You're so silly. Do we know the why behind those numbers?
Speaker 2:For everyone.
Speaker 1:I'm just asking Every single person. I'm really curious about that.
Speaker 2:I'll ask the Bureau of Labor Statistics to talk to every person who left and find out why they left. I'm on it. We're on the case.
Speaker 1:But, there's a difference between the when it's a when, of course, older people typically stay longer.
Speaker 2:We know that.
Speaker 1:But my point being why I was hesitant to when I said to unfair question, because normally older people are forced out A lot of times, that's just especially in corporate companies, and now they call it protected class. But when you say that, is it by their own-, because it's a difference if the younger people are living on their own.
Speaker 2:They are that's and the older people are being forced out.
Speaker 1:That's a different conversation. Yeah, it doesn't-. It doesn't say Then it's not, why stay? It's like why did you put me out?
Speaker 2:Why'd you throw me out? Yeah, well, which is part of the later why series. Yeah, why'd you throw me out? Why'd I get the-. Why'd I get the-.
Speaker 1:Why did I get the boot?
Speaker 2:Yeah. So what's interesting too is among the major race in ethnicity groups 28% of whites have been with their current employee employer sorry for 10 years or more.
Speaker 1:This is about to get interesting already now.
Speaker 2:Compared with so it's 28% for whites. Drumroll please 24% of blacks, 22% of Asians. And 21% of Hispanics. Very interesting.
Speaker 1:It's in, really it is.
Speaker 2:But what they say is the higher share of long-tenured workers among whites may be due in part because they tend to be older, and among white wage and salary workers, 23% were aged 55 and over. By proportion, blacks 20%, asians 70% and Hispanics 15%. So Bureau of Labor Statistics is saying maybe it's just white people been in the workforce longer. That's why they show a higher tenure. But I think it's interesting that the ethnic groups there's clearly a stagger there that shows that. So anyway, I just wanted to throw that out to start. Interesting stuff. A group called CapRelo and their job is really to kind of they manage relocations and things like that. Who do you think has an average 10 year longer, men or women? You got a 50% chance at this one Women are more faithful.
Speaker 1:Don't blow it, that's what I said. Women are more faithful, so I would say women.
Speaker 2:So women stay less time than men. Life I kid you not, the average years of tenure for women is lower than men 4.7 years. Well, well, well oh now she's going to change your story. No, I'm not going to change your story.
Speaker 1:I just want to perch and put it in a different light, but you have to again. There's a what's the why behind these numbers.
Speaker 2:I'll ask every one of them.
Speaker 1:Meaning, because what we know for sure is that women are the ones that typically, when it's time to have children, the very lot of them. So the why is important Nuance.
Speaker 2:Yep, that is very true. A lot of the same things that came up in this particular articles as before. But one of the things that we talked about before is is job hopping a byproduct of COVID? You know, it did it kind of. Was it exacerbated, did it? Did it create it? What this article says is that frequent job hopping isn't necessarily an acute issue brought on by the pandemic or other economic stimuli. Rather, it's a generational shift where younger employees are prioritizing different aspects of work culture and looking for those larger career jumps in skill development. So what they're, what I think, what they're saying here, is that instead of staying in the same company and progressing, you kind of jump up the ladder. You know that shoots a ladder is kind of thing where you jump over here to get to this job and then you move over here to move up to that position.
Speaker 1:So I don't really I want to expand a narrative, because I understand why you're calling a job hopping. But even in time, in cynics book, the one we just quoted from the previous episode, leaders Eat Last, it's the way younger people look at work and careers has changed. So you look, you look at it from a love you but an old school lens saying it is. It's an old school lens because you just said at the last episode, your father, that was the way you raised.
Speaker 1:You say loyal. Well, and I have to be honest and full transparency. As someone who has been a leader and have been in a higher position for a long time, I had to evolve with this, because I was of the old school mentality for a long time as well, that your job isn't supposed to fulfill you. Your job is just supposed to pay, help you pay your bills, that's what. But that's it's a new way of thinking.
Speaker 1:And so younger people are looking for fulfillment, they're looking for belonging, and some corporations now are starting to acquiesce to that and say you know, we can be content. That's called literally conscious corporations saying you know, how do we do this, how do we make it more fulfilling? And where a lot of senior people think it's laughable, like my job is to the shareholders, to the bottom line. If we make money, you get paid, you get a check, and so the narrative is changing behind that. So I think it is important so, not seeing as job, job hopping, younger people see it as where do I have a chance to bring my fullest potential and be my best self and be visibility within an organization which leads to personal fulfillment.
Speaker 2:If you're a hiring manager and you're looking to hire somebody and you're looking at their CV, their resume, you spend a year here, 12 months, 14 months here, eight months here, 16 months. Why would you make an investment on that person? Because their track record says they're not going to be with you for very long. Doesn't that give you pause and kind of wave a flag?
Speaker 1:Well, I know that this sounds out of the box thinking or whatever, but I try to be very intentional and in tune when I interview people, because it's so easy, because I look at that piece of paper as a piece of paper and I know what it feels like to be looked at as a piece of paper. So I want eye contact, I want to hear your story and I want to understand and I do have a level of intuition. I was like and it makes sense to me because I know what it feels like to be part of something and be very knowledgeable and good and not visible. And then if this person comes to me and I clearly hear their story and see and it makes sense from a paper perspective Because then it matches, because sometimes you look at, so just let me get back to your question.
Speaker 2:I look for patterns, so that's all I'm getting at.
Speaker 1:But that, but that. But they're in patterns. In what way? And I'm making a point? So, I can look at a resume and I see every two years you're off to something else. I see every two years. But then your age. Well, at this point you went back to school and I can see you got a degree. So you can't be stuck in the pattern.
Speaker 2:Or, to your point, I'm a woman and I had a child, and then I worked for two years and I had another child, absolutely.
Speaker 1:So I'll grant you that, absolutely, and so it's important for us to, but I think in relationships and business it has for me. I can only speak for myself. It has to be a level of grace in there, because we could be easily dismissed. So if I want, if my desire is to be seen and visible and have a chance to tell my story and let my work speed for myself, then I have to give that same grace to a potential new hire or candidate, because you can go by and on a piece of paper that person can look like a rock star.
Speaker 2:And in reality they turn out to be a rock.
Speaker 1:I'm not going to even give you a rim shot for that Bad dad joke.
Speaker 2:Yes, okay. So job hopping by industry and I know you don't like the term job hopping, but we're going to go with it because that's what he wrote.
Speaker 1:No, you're going to go with it. We're going to go with it.
Speaker 2:So manufacturing, insurance and healthcare workplaces show the highest median years of tenure for the private sector jobs researched, with employees staying at a single job for 5.6, 5.5 and 5.4 years respectively manufacturing, insurance and healthcare. So this article says, while the exact reason for remaining in these roles is unknown, it's possible that these industries may provide higher job satisfaction, better benefits and a better work life balance.
Speaker 1:And it's funny. You said that because I ask you to repeat that to me, because you know what I heard and that when you read those, what you heard blah blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. That's not typically what I hear when you talk. But in this instance, what I heard is because I need my brain has to make a connection. So the connection I got is in every one of those jobs manufacturing insurance and healthcare is.
Speaker 1:There's some autonomy there. They work a lot of times. So if you're a manufacturer, my job is to put this book in this box, for example. I'm siloed, mission's clear. I do it every day. As long as I do this, no harm, no foul, there's no numbers to make, there's no data, there's no and the same thing insurance. A lot of time it's siloed. This is my job I have to do nurses. They work with a team, but a lot of times they have their routine, they have their, and I came from the hospital side. That's why I got my start.
Speaker 2:You know, what I wonder is I can't speak for insurance, but I thought both manufacturing and healthcare, interesting enough, are probably union jobs and I wonder whether union in this day and age we know unions ab and fall right now.
Speaker 2:They're very popular, then they're very unpopular, then they're popular again. Whether or not union jobs tend to lead to a better work-life balance, better job satisfaction, better benefits. We know teachers what their level of satisfaction jobs is or isn't, but I wonder if there's an argument here that says that some jobs these days, now a union, actually does improve the work conditions for people.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that's a fair, that's a perch moment, because we don't know if that, because you can be a manufacturer and not be in a union, but in the first thing that I heard and what I picked up on is it's one of those. Nurses make their rounds Like these workers make your job is consistent at this time.
Speaker 1:I have to do this have to do that and there is a consistency where the thing, like I know, coming from a lot of corporate jobs, the biggest complaint I come from a world of logistics, I don't, you don't know, I don't care how, how you go, put your job is day to day.
Speaker 2:It's like a surprise Just changes so much.
Speaker 1:You know so, though, and people don't naturally like change. So if you put the fact that people aren't comfortable with change and connect us to those industries that pretty much are stagnant and they do this repetitive to me- but even things like as we filmed this, I think a week or two ago, wasn't, the UAW just came to an agreement with a new deal, which was pretty lucrative for auto workers.
Speaker 2:I think Ford signed it first and then it was basically pushed on GM and, I think, a couple of push.
Speaker 1:Well, you know, okay, I know what you're saying.
Speaker 2:Once, one goes right, and so maybe there's a. There's a. There's a dynamic right now and the workplaces is in an odd kind of world today, but maybe there's a, there's a time and place that says that you, that a union, can actually impact the quality of life and the opportunities for people.
Speaker 1:I think I, I, I, what I hope. What I hope is because you have that and you and I talked about it this coming week, their schedule to possibly be one of the biggest strikes in the hospitality, and then we had we've a couple of podcasts ago right Las Vegas.
Speaker 1:the workers are right and a couple of podcasts ago we did the active strike and you know, then a teacher strike and I'm Portland schools can go to school because the teacher strike and so all of this protest over worker and salaries are going up. But I think corporations are still getting a message that goes back to our first podcast, people now that it's abundantly clear to employees that you know I'm a number to you in a lot of industries and I'm just so they are going to push that you know I I can't remember which auto group said of the workers said you know, well, look at your profits that you make on executive.
Speaker 1:Because when they said, oh, can you believe what they're asking for? What kind of you know increase? That's absurd. And then a worker said, but that's what the executives are getting. And I think we're going to continue to see that. You know the paradigm shifting where okay if you don't. If we get to the point where, like your dad's case, well, he felt like he was a part of an organization had they and they had the same care and concern.
Speaker 1:Now that we've gotten away from that and it's we're loyal to shareholders and stockholders, people are going to skip saying show me the money show me the money. You get it, I want it.
Speaker 2:If you don't want to treat me like family, then then it becomes a business transaction.
Speaker 1:And let's have that business transaction so our Americans have worked. That's loaded, loaded, oh, that's loaded. And I and I and I have to be honest I cannot say so. The lens that I look from is 30 years in the transportation industry. Well, I have seen people bury and work. I've seen and it's, it's a common place where even we say GM should get five years and you burn out, that's saying it's overwork. If it's a 24, seven nurses overwork, teachers overwork yes, there's plenty of industries factually. Well, guess what Americans are overwork?
Speaker 2:The statistics agree with you, okay. So, uh, an article that Matthew Zane wrote Zip your research again in this particular case. Uh, first line yes, americans are overwork, statistically speaking. And uh, among the 38 developed countries that make up the OECD and I knew somebody was going to ask me what OECD means it's the organization, organization for economic cooperation development, and it's made up of about 37 democracies throughout the world. Um, 38 democracies throughout the world, Um, the United States is the only country that has no statutory minimum number of and days of, annual leave from work.
Speaker 2:Okay, other signs in Americans are overworked include all countries, except for the United States and South Korea, have statutory paid sick leave policies for all full-time and most part-time and temporary employees. The average OECD country has 18.6 weeks of mandated paid maternity leave, with average payment rates ranging from 25% to 100% of the mother's regular salary. The United States is the only country with no mandated paid parental leave. Okay, 10% of the American adults work 50 plus hours per week on average. It's the 11th highest in the world. So, yes, the statistics would tend to lead us to believe we are overworked. Does that surprise you?
Speaker 1:No, not at all. Not at all, not at all.
Speaker 2:So I thought I would share that. So I pulled a couple of articles that I think, as we're going to get a little bit lighter here towards the back end of this piece Both light and insightful in their own way. So I pulled a couple of articles because so far we've just talked about the workforce but we're going to talk more about kind of the humanistic aspect of why people stay or, in some cases, why people leave. And the first article I pulled was from a Dr, madeline Fugere Madeline, I hope I pronounced your name right and it was written in the psychology today and this was back in 2017. Six reasons why we stay in bad relationships. It seemed like an appropriate.
Speaker 1:So this is relationship.
Speaker 2:This is relationship. Thank you, lord, I'm tired of business.
Speaker 1:Tired of business.
Speaker 2:We'll pop back in business for some goofy crap later, but six reasons we stay in bad relationships. So the first one it says I know my six. Everybody give it a thought. Come up with your six Right up now on the piece of paper Coming at you. Okay, so the first one is let's see where do we start? The single most important determinant of a woman's decision to remain in their relationship is called relationship satisfaction.
Speaker 1:Can I ask a question before we get to it? Sure, is this a woman or man? This?
Speaker 2:is a woman. Okay, this is Dr Madeline Fugere, just asking PhD.
Speaker 1:Oh, you did say Madeline. Yes, yes, you were stuck on the last name, so I got stuck on the last name.
Speaker 2:How can we be satisfied with an unsatisfactory relationship? Well, those with lowest self-esteem or who perceive themselves to be less attractive have low comparison levels. Okay, and your comparison level can be thought of as your standard, or what you expect to receive from a relationship. So individuals with low comparison levels do not expect any benefits from their relationship, but they do expect many difficulties. So they go into it saying it's going to be brutal. I don't have very high expectations, the bar is low, I'm okay with it. And if you have a low comparison level, you may maintain a bad relationship because your expectations, your low expectations, are being met. It's kind of that race to the bottom. The next one is called a shift in priorities and it says it and it refers to two terms.
Speaker 1:Where is that rank? So that's number six, that was number one.
Speaker 2:That was number that a whole thing. Yes, that was one thing. Oh, all of that was one thought. Okay, that's that's what it's called A shift in priorities and it says common mechanisms which help to maintain our relationships are partner enhancement and positive illusions. Okay, and both refer to the fact that we tend to see our romantic partners positively and sometimes unrealistically Hardly right, so here's an example, it's, she gives, she goes.
Speaker 2:if your partner is generous but not thoughtful, you might come to value generosity to a greater extent than you would covet thoughtfulness over the course of your relationship.
Speaker 1:No, huh, I'm a lot to feel. I gotta be quiet, okay, I need to be quiet, okay.
Speaker 2:The next one is and it comes back to that Saturday and at live piece that used to called lowered expectations or whatever that daily scene that they used to do, and it's called low quality alternatives and it says if you're in an undesirable relationship, you might consider alternatives to that relationship, including being alone or entering into a different relationship. And if you perceive lower, lower quality alternatives, you're more likely to stay, even if you're unsatisfied.
Speaker 1:Say that again If you receive, if you receive, if you perceive, or perceive, lower quality alternatives, oh wow.
Speaker 2:You are more likely to stay, even in an unsatisfying relationship. Okay, so let's talk, let's think about this for a second, I mean how many people you want to keep the camera off me?
Speaker 1:How many?
Speaker 2:people, would you say if you're unhappy, why don't you leave? And they go. Oh my god, if you, you know what the dating scene is like out there, oh my god. And the one that she, the doctor, brings up, which is which is, I think, the most strong, is divorce. You know, divorce is most common in nations where women achieve more economic independence and in where there's a proportion higher proportion of men to women, suggesting that women are more likely to divorce if they have economic means to live independently, as well as an abundance of other potential partners.
Speaker 1:And we don't, we don't. So this is all the the woman's perspective and say why the man?
Speaker 2:Right, this is right, so this is it. So yeah, pretty much pretty much although the last, the next one, sorry, because man say cheaper to keep her.
Speaker 1:I mean, I didn't say it that they. That was my brother. My brother is his death before divorce.
Speaker 2:He says death before. And well, I believe, I'm not sure whether that's, whether that's a threat to his brother, or a roadmap.
Speaker 1:You mean like your, your brother in the world, since not like your brother.
Speaker 2:No, I mean my brother. No, I'm trying to believe. I'm not sure if that's just he's making to his wife or not. No, it's not like.
Speaker 1:You're your brother's keeper and you've heard from your brother.
Speaker 2:Good point to my brother. Oh my god.
Speaker 1:Come on, finish. I tried to help, yeah, well manipulation.
Speaker 2:Number four Okay, men, here we go. Bring up many here. Okay, men with lower self-esteem, as well as men who are less physically attractive than their partners, may be more likely to use manipulation to prevent their partners from leaving the relationship. The distress associated with emotional abuse or the physical implications of intimate partner violence are strong deterrence to those seeking to leave a relationship, and obviously she suggests that women who are psychologically distressed may not feel they have the ability to actually leave their partners, which obviously we've all, unfortunately, known situations where people feel trapped in their role, whether that's psychological abuse or physical abuse.
Speaker 2:So obviously, that's another reason why people stay in really bad relationships the investment when we talked about a little bit before. You know if you feel like you've built this life with somebody else and your. You know your, your family and your finances and your children and everything is kind of intertwined. It's hard to untie that and I know from personal experience that was that was the world I lived in was when I was divorced. You know, you sit there and it's not a financial decision, although it is but you look at it and go, oh my gosh, am I going to be the one to blow up the nuclear family? Am I the one that's going to do this? And and you know I've made an investment in making sure my kids are raised properly, making sure that I give them the right housing and and and parental and all of those things Do I want to be the one, to you know, to blow it up?
Speaker 1:Well, if you call it blowing it up and, but see, this is where and this is no, I love you however Sure he says that right before she does.
Speaker 1:But it's really important because this is why I so this is a conversation and people are struggling and I'm not saying that Toby and Tricia have the answer not at all. But part of the perch that I'm, I would hope that we kind of check in and take away with. It's like why stay? Speaking to someone who you know had two kids when she was in divorce, I chose to start all over, literally at zero. I'm kind of like Tina Turner. I jokingly say like when Tina Turner and an Ike marriage broke up, she said what's love got to do with it?
Speaker 1:No, that's not that she said that as she's leaving, but she wanted to keep her name and I think it's such a powerful statement, not just because her name is Tina Turner. I belong to me, and if I can't have a penny, if I can't have a diamond, I've started over.
Speaker 1:I am now clear on who I am and I'm leaving hole, and that hole and someone start off at zero. So it's important we say, when I blow up this, when I break up this, this is why people stay, because that's the language we put behind it.
Speaker 1:And so I just want to pose a different Perspective, a different way to approach and look at it and say for me, I wrestle with all of that and I lied to myself. I lie, like most people lie to themselves and say I did it for the children Because at the time that's what I thought, because I thought, like you, I'm blowing up my family. I know what I learned after coming out of divorce and coming out of darkness is that you know to thyself be true.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm and if I'm the leader from the head and if I am an example that my daughters get to see, would I want them to be in the exact same situation that I was in? And if the answer is no, then I am, even in my weakest moment, obligated to be the example that I want them to see. And so I can't look at it that I'm breaking up, destroy I'm. I'm helping us all grow by first Loving myself, being the best example of the mother can be and wanting to model a Set of saying do as I say. Wanting to model. You know what it feels like to come back from a fall and start over and say this is wholeness. So now that I'm whole, I could be a whole mom and and say it's okay to admit that you know you had good intentions and you got it wrong.
Speaker 2:But that goes back to job, family work and it also comes back to something we said on the last episode, which was sometimes if you, if you go into these things and not and you're not who you Really are, then then it get. You get tired of playing that role year after year after year. And it's very liberating To move away from either a job that you now feel like that loads been taken off of or a Relationship where you feel the loads but take off because you don't have to play that part anymore. And I remember early in my career I had to let a young lady go who was when I was working at hotel, and I said look, this is just not a good fit for you. And she came across the desk and hugged me. Oh, my god, thank.
Speaker 2:God I didn't want to disappoint you. She's like I didn't want to. Just I've been so unhappy here, I'm so miserable.
Speaker 2:But she was so relieved. She's like oh my, you have no idea what, what stress I've been under because I didn't want to let you down. I I really just wanted it to work. But you've just relieved this and I mean I would argue that that, you know, in a case like a divorce, you could kind of have that same feeling. While there's a lot of Terrible things that occur. You could, sometimes it could be very liberating.
Speaker 1:So I would like to even expand that and give it a little more grace and a little more Breath, and that because it's not necessarily you know.
Speaker 1:People say, when you're dating, you send your representative, you know, and sometimes people do they send a representative, be it you know, like we talked about the spanks, the last episode, or the makeup or the hair, or With men, the nice cars, the flash, a good dining, all. But in all fairness, I think we should give ourselves grace. When we're in long relationships, be it with the corporation, marriage, love we hopefully prayerfully are evolving, yeah, and sometimes we're evolving. Our partners don't, the company doesn't, or the company has evolved and moved on from what we originally Signed up for. It's an. It's incumbent on us to be aware that things are changed and then Put the onus on you.
Speaker 1:So I can't just blame a corporation because when I started with you, you know you were this big and now you this big, I don't recognize you anymore yeah they have the right to grow, and then it's on you to decide if this worked for you and not, and then Relationship is the same thing sure couples mature faster than others, you know.
Speaker 2:Sometimes never and sometimes they never.
Speaker 1:But it's okay to say don't look at it. Maybe it's not the healthiest way to look at it to say it that you know I, I blow up my relationship public. No.
Speaker 2:I have evolved and and we just well, yeah, time, time will pull you apart. So I Think she was a doctor, but I'll just. Jennifer Musselman wrote an article this is a couple years ago, 2012 Psychology today and why we stay stuck in unfulfilling relationships and jobs, and Her conclusion is relatively straightforward it just says it can be usually be simplified to some variation of fear. You know we live in a fearful environment and that Started with that, the last episode.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know that changes. Fear can hang up us leaving us vulnerable and unprotected.
Speaker 2:Instead, we keep ourselves protected by the idea of at least we know what to expect so we can closely monitor it, and but Underneath at all, most people don't feel that they deserve anything better. They live in, they live in fear. So I just want to bring that up, because I mean obviously a lot of people out there sitting there, going. I'm afraid of making a move and that's very common.
Speaker 2:So if you're in that boat, you're, you're not alone and obviously there's a lot of documented information to support that and it's it's worth having a conversation with with you, a psychologist or your friends and you know Understanding people that have been down that journey. You know, because it can be overwhelming.
Speaker 1:So so, as we bring this to an end and I see we have it, yes, well, I want to go through some things really really quickly. So yeah, I gotta bring a home.
Speaker 2:I will go really quickly because you talked about before in the last episode and I want to support it. Marissa's Sanfilippo wrote an article in Business News Daily. It talked about the fact that a lot of people are stressed out at work. You know, one of the reasons that people are leaving and it's really around, not necessarily the company, but it's it's challenging organizational culture, poor leadership, unrealistic Expectations and things of that nature. So really, what she talks about is that we are creating an environment within companies when we're creating unrealistic expectations of people.
Speaker 2:We're putting people into leadership who don't have leadership skills, are not properly trained, and and she has a and I'll put the link to this article on our on our podcast some very interesting thoughts, you know, give yourself a break, avoid conflict. One of them that's interesting is keep a journal, keep track of the things that that affect you and how they affect you. Exercise, we know, and obviously proper sleep. But to wrap up, I wanted to bring up there's a, there's a woman her name is Allison Green who does, who does a piece called ask a manager, and it's really a dear Abby for crazy workplace.
Speaker 2:Going on oh yeah, oh, I mean, I was like, this is so what's her name?
Speaker 1:I'll her name is. Her name is.
Speaker 2:Allison Green. Actually, I reached out to Allison see if she wants to join us. I think it would make for a great podcast.
Speaker 1:All right, universe, put it out there with me Allison Green workplace, craziness you know and we've all, we've all heard of these.
Speaker 2:I mean, in my life, you know, I had a Manager in my organization who was asking his admin to pick up his dry cleaning, and another one, and another, another one who would go Shopping for his wife's birthday. So we've all known these, these crazy ones. I want to throw a couple at you as we close and again, thank you for joining.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna try to keep my face your face, fix your face.
Speaker 2:My boss asked me to do her kids homework.
Speaker 1:Oh hell, I'm sorry.
Speaker 2:I Asked me to do her kids homework. Okay, we wonder why people leave, why stay, why, okay, all right, this one I like I'm not sure which side of this when I'm on, because I read it I'm like I think this person anyway my co-worker is being greedy about office supplies and snacks. Too many Snickers, clearly.
Speaker 1:I think every organization stop it. You know like serious.
Speaker 2:And then this person gets upset because she asked for a humidifier. Oh, you know, it's just, it's great. And then she got asked to have more snacks ordered for the office. So stop, she has a tapeworm, I don't know. Bring in your own snacks. And that's what this person said. Yeah, why did?
Speaker 1:I told her I love the custom scenario. I don't believe it at all.
Speaker 2:Bring in your own snacks. The next one's my favorite, this one, this one's my favorite, and that is that this person asked whether it was all right to take an interviewer. So they're looking for another job, mm-hmm, through their current company. So they want to take an interviewer. So let's say you work for Well, we do that, but but no, no, no, you're, you're, you're interviewing for a job with with Ford, so you bring the Ford guy to the GM plant Welcome to it with you.
Speaker 1:You know what Stop, and this is a book.
Speaker 2:That's priceless because I want to show them how good my work is, so I'm going to take Come back. Yeah, you're a genius.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:So the last couple, and these are speed rounds You'll love these.
Speaker 1:So what does that mean? Why, say but I'm going to leave that alone.
Speaker 2:Okay, this one was that my boss insisted on calling a medium because I was missing a family member. I kid you not. So you can't make this stuff. How could you, I'm sorry, stay with you like that one? I'm sorry, I'm sorry. How about an employer?
Speaker 1:No, no more.
Speaker 2:How about? The boss asked me to change my ringtone? You? Like that one or my coworker. I had to tell my coworker.
Speaker 1:Oh wait a minute.
Speaker 2:Are they personal phone? Are they personal phone? And finally, I had to ask my coworker to stop giving me psychic messages from my dead family members. You can't, I tell you, you can't make this stuff up, you can't. So, alison, god bless you the fact that you answer these and you handle it with such grace.
Speaker 1:We'd love to have you on. I have to have her on. I have to hear more of these stories. I don't know what this has to do with why I stay.
Speaker 2:No, it's why go more like it Okay. So, anyway, as we wrap up, hopefully we added a little bit of levity. You know the takeaway really is it's, it's a difficult.
Speaker 1:Is run. No, I'm just kidding, but it's, it's a difficult decision.
Speaker 2:You know it's easy to make it for somebody else. Everybody has their own story, Everybody has their own journey. But you know, we've only got so many years on earth and we spend a lot of time working. It should be as pleasant as possible, Don't. Don't put away your dreams for later. Who knows if there is a later Right. You know, every, every moment is a precious one. So do what you can do to make every day a quality day in your life.
Speaker 1:So and my last, and thank you for that, and I didn't expect the comedy hour to so. I appreciate that I didn't wear waterproof mascara because I didn't expect to cry. But seriously, you know, in all seriousness, I think again everyone. We started on our last one money tissue. We started on the last episode about why it was important for me to do the series and it's our and we're coming to the end. You know new beginnings and so really, you know, I think it's important.
Speaker 1:I used to get laughed at. Now it's a common place for doing a vision board every year and I was like I have to see it. If I want to be it, I have to see it, and I, when I could tell you the power of vision board, I pull them out. Now I'm astounded of some things that I didn't even realize I put on my vision board. That has happened. So just encourage everyone to ask yourself your why is? And be honest and check in with yourself. We owe it to ourselves. We owe it to all humanity. In Ambuto and the African culture it says my humanity is tied to your humanity. I exist because you exist and because you exist and I exist. Let's try to be our best selves and, while we're on this planet, live our fullest potential. Again, thank you for perching with us until we see again. See you out there, Take care.
